Right now, I’m sitting at my computer with a glass of wine to my left and a scented candle burning to my right. I can’t say life is bad. It’s not often that I get kid-free time to myself like this. Yet I feel incomplete. I feel lonely.
I had this grand vision that I’d get some one-on-one time with my husband tonight and that we’d spend the evening hanging out, talking, and catching up with each other on life outside the daily grind. But he was tired and his grand vision was to relax and watch sports. So my plans changed. I got on my computer and by knee-jerk reflex opened up Facebook, only to see photos of my friends happily hanging out with their husbands. Or at happy hour with girlfriends. Or having playdates with the kids. And it only made me feel even more lonely.
I know that motherhood can get lonely. I’ve read it in every mom blog and parenting book I’ve ever encountered. But it still stings. I want nothing more than to have a long, deep conversation with someone who gets me. In my twenties, I was surrounded by friends in the same stage of life as me. We’d discuss any and everything over long hikes and on park picnic blankets and over cocktails on front porches. These days, I’m lucky if I get to discuss the weather over coffee with a friend once a month.
Don’t get me wrong. I consider nothing more sacred and wonderful than being a mommy. But I’m also still human and I do miss my social life. I miss having someone to talk to about anything that’s on my heart. Sometimes the loneliness makes me feel sad. And bitter. And jealous of other moms whose husbands who are their best friends and do regular social outings and have lots of mom friends.
BUT. I try my best to remind myself that every season of life has its ups and downs. This particular season is one of a limited social life. It’s also a season of snowman pancakes and potty training and frequent visits to the park. Of daily tears and belly laughs. Of endless stories, songs, and pretend tea parties. It’s a time when my little one clings to me and wants me by her side at all times. I have never felt more loved and wanted and needed than by the little person who calls me “mommy.” And it is wonderful. And I know that someday down the road, I will look back and gladly trade every friend I have to get back this time in life.
So maybe the answer is to suck it up, step out of my comfort zone, and finally go to a moms group meetup. Or maybe just be more intentional about making friends with other moms at the park. Or maybe it’s as simple as making more of an effort to call a friend when I feel lonely and actually express that I'm feeling lonely. Its uncomfortable to put myself out there and feel vulnerable, but judging by the number of blogs/articles/books about this topic, I'm sure I'm not alone in this. The last thing I want to do is let this loneliness rob me of the joy and fulfillment that this season of life brings. I know it will be over too soon anyway.
I’m Betty and I live in the beautiful pacific northwest. I'm a mommy. Vegetarian. Wife to a meatatarian. Pediatric physical therapist. Outdoor enthusiast. Enjoyer of fitness/healthy living. Even bigger enjoyer wine and chocolate lava cake. And hoping to find some balance between it all.